R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Okaaaaayyyy....

I'm not much of a fan of football (as in the NFL not soccer) but I went to watch the Blind Side on Saturday, the day before the super bowl. That's probably why the theater was more crowded than I thought it would be. It's been in theaters for quite a while and I wonder why I haven't gone to see it sooner because it's a really good movie. The fact that it's a true story made it really worth watching as well. I found myself almost in tears a few times during the movie because it was touching. Movies that are about family and such have a soft spot for me. 

However, what I wanted to talk about has nothing to do with the movie but more about the superbowls. The superbowls is famous for its commercials. Companies come up with their best advertisements during the superbowl season. I'm actually more interested in the commercials than the actual games because I don't understand football at all and I'm not much of a sports fan either. Anyways, they're usually very funny and entertaining so I went to check some out on youtube and for some reason, I felt slightly offended by most of the advertisements I found. I know football is a very 'masculine' sport and most of its fans are probably dudes (although I'm sure there are a lot of girls who like it as well. I know my Physics teacher is a fan) so the ads were mostly aimed at dudes but, really, it felt like I could smell the testosterone flowing out of my computer screen. It was all about men being tough and in control and women tended to be just sexy eye candy. I don't know if I'm over thinking things and I'll admit I'm a feminist but the problem was I was getting the same vibe not only from one or two ads but A LOT of them. Guys have their rights to have fantasies featuring hot female models, but so do girls. And I'm definitely not saying that girls aren't, ehm ... lewd as well (we can be if we want to be) but what I don't like is when that's the only way women are portrayed; sexy eye candy who are either stupid, don't have a will of their own or have less power than men. Pshh....Where did respect go? Maybe I'll go grab a playgirl magazine and start violating men in my fantasies as well.

Seriously? I'm sure not all guys out there are insecure or feel threatened when they see a strong female character. Otherwise, that's pretty pathetic. If you have issues with your ego don't put women down (in something so public such as advertisements where the focus should be the product NOT utilizing the fact that sex sells) just because you don't feel confident about yourself. It's firckin 2010! I hope we're not progressing backwards into an era when women have to fight for their rights again. In some places of the world, women still have to fight for their rights.

Speaking of rights, Women's Ski Jumping is still banned from the Olympics. When I read about this I felt like screaming: "Are you f***ing serious?" and I don't really swear that often. I didn't know much about ski jumping before I read the article but the fact that there are many women out there who work so hard at their sport and REALLY want to compete on the Olympic stage but can't because some bureaucratic old men  thinks it's too dangerous for women or it's not popular enough to be featured in the Olympics, really pissed me off. There are women out there who join the army and do dangerous things right next to guys and they think women can't handle ski jumping? If it's not popular enough then featuring it in the Olympics will make it more popular. I can't believe how weak their arguments were. This is obvious discrimination and a clear violation of human rights. I'm beginning to wonder what era I'm living in again. 

I guess all the women of the world could come together and protest against the many discrimination that they face but it won't make much difference unless guys out there are willing to step out of their comfort zone of power and help make the change too. Guys, if you're not just a bunch of cowards, be a man and do the right thing. Show RESPECT equally. 

"I" without edit

It's 2 AM, Saturday morning after Friday night. No, I wasn't out partying all night and getting drunk. No, I wasn't up studying and finishing my homework. No, I wasn't back into hibernation syndrome mode when I sit in front of my computer drooling and watching God-knows-what all day, being counterproductive and avoiding human contact. I'm just sitting here being depressed for some weird reason and realizing how much I edit my life. I'm careful when I speak to people. I think a million times before I say what I really think and if it's something better left unsaid, I don't say anything. I keep conversations on a surface level and I hardly ever talk about really personal stuff. I know quite a lot of people but there's only a handful of people I really know or seem to care about. I hate conflict so if it doesn't seem like I can really get along with someone, avoid them altogether. I can easily count the number of people I can truly feel comfortable with and laugh freely with and I take them for granted. It feels like a million years since the last time I've had a good day laughing about stupid things all day long and having no need to edit. This entry isn't a well thought or 'smart' philosophical insight about life like I want it to be. It's just an honest heartfelt confession about things that has been stuck in my throat for a while. 

I'd like to think I'm a good person. But I'm not. It's scary to think that I'm not. I'm apathetic, hopefully not completely, but slightly, about many things in life, especially if they don't directly affect me in any way. I'm still good at dealing with people to a certain level but my human relations ability on a personal level sucks big time because I've never bothered to care about people - REALLY care, and in vice versa, I guess, people don't bother to really know me, the real ugly side of me as well. I judge people when I say I try not to. After I judge , I don't try to get to know those people beyond those judgement. I feel like a hypocrite because all this time I thought I was open minded. Hahahahaha... how can I be open minded when I'm prejudiced? 

I was attempting to write my personal statement for my university application when I realized  a lot of the stuff I wrote felt like bullshit. Of course you want to make your self look good in your application, you want the friggin university to accept you. But it seems I do it a lot in real life as well. I like showing off. I don't do it in an  obvious way but subtly. I try to make myself seem like I'm humble when I'm actually not. I get a kick from feeling slightly superior from others through that subtlety and THAT is shallow, more shallow than those who openly brag. The more I think, the more I feel like there are many parts to my personality that feels warped. 

Looks like if mommy and daddy didn't raise me up well, I would have been one screwed up little bitch. I'm grateful, truly grateful and I feel blessed that I've been given many good opportunities in life. I haven't really appreciated that. My parents were very level headed. They're both still alive. They care about me. I was born into a well off family. I've been getting good education. I'm studying abroad! That ain't cheap and I often forget it ain't cheap. Some people can't even go to school, let alone eat properly. I've had the opportunity to endorse in the things I enjoy without worrying much. I've never been starving to death or had to fight to survive. I wonder what kind of deeds I did in my previous life to be born with this kind of good karma. I don't think I've ever intentionally try to hurt someone before out of pure hate. But I don't think I've been really nice either. What kind of karma have I been accumulating after I was born? I like talking about philosophy and I tend to see religion through a very critical point of view. I'm not very religious. It's important to be critical but I guess there are moments in life when you just want to believe in something without having to analyze every single detail. When was the last time I prayed? Truly really prayed? To whatever higher power out there. I want to say thank you. A genuine thank you for everything I've been blessed with. And for the first time in my life it seems like I want to pray for the happiness of the people around me. My family and friends that I've been taking for granted. I've never cared enough to pray for their happiness. I've probably put it off for to long. Everyone deserves to find happiness. 

I don't know what's going on with me tonight. Maybe just hormones or PMS messing with my brain in this moment of introspection. I'm really afraid of posting this. I've never exposed this much of myself on something so public like the internet.

However, I really do wish you find happiness. Whoever you are.